were that this were true!

[…]In related news, Nordstrom Rack is experimenting with offering Good Vibrations outlets inside each store, so heavily sighing unhappily married women with teased bangs and names like Georgette can buy discount sex toys and perhaps enjoy a tiny modicum of physical pleasure in their lives given how their grunting husbands are so blobbed out on Dunkin’ Donuts and bagels they can barely lift the remote, much less raise the ol’ two-by-four in the sack anymore, yo.