Today is Liam’s first full day of daycare. I dropped him off at 8:30 this morning. Leah will pick him up at 5:30 this afternoon. All day! Without either of us! Ack!
Until now, I’ve been totally cool with this. Excited even! But today? Today, now that it is really happening, I’m wracked with guilt. And worry. What if he cries? What if he’s abused? What if he gets sick? What if? What if? What if? an so on. Of course, none of these things will likely happen (ok, he’ll probably cry). But I can’t stop thinking about it. And then I feel guilty for putting him daycare. That I couldn’t come home so that Leah could start being out all day. It’s totally dumb, and completely useless, but I can’t get it out of my head today. My inner voice is plaguing me with doubts & accusations. My work is going super slow because of it. Everything I do is reminding me of Liam in some way, and it just makes me sad that he’s at daycare, not at home with Leah or me.
(It should be noted that I (rationally) think we found an amazing provider, and based on his last week’s ease-in days, he’s going to love daycare. But reality, as is often the case with me, has little ability to quell my irrational fears.)