So I’ve pretty much accepted your reality now, and have moved on to more practical matters: how to afford you, what to call you, things you’ll need, how to raise you, etc. Obviously, some of these discussions we’re having are more theoretical than practical, but some things have been decided:

  • We want to know if you’re a boy or a girl as soon as possible. I, however, don’t want to tell anyone else.
  • If you turn out to be a boy, you’re going to be named ‘Liam’. We’ve yet to decided on a girl’s name we both like, so that’s up in the air. Leah, however, thinks that you’re going to be a boy. I don’t know if I have a preference at this point.
  • Again, if you’re a boy, we’re not going to circumcise you (Of course we wouldn’t if you are a girl, so I don’t know why this point comes up at all – but it does, so there you go)
  • We’re going to strive to not overly gender-type you as a baby, and give you options that are traditionally for girls and those that are traditionally for boys, regardless of your gender. I suspect that this will be an uphill battle.

In other news, we’ve got an interview with the Pacific Heights Housing Co-op, where we’ve been trying to live for as long as we’ve been together. We’re hoping that this is a ‘sign’, positive both for you and for us that you & this co-op is meant to be. We’ll wait and see. Regardless of the outcome of this, we’re going to move before you’re born. Ideally, in the next month or two, into at least a 2-bedroom. We can’t possibly afford anything larger, so we’ll see where we end up.

2 days later

So on Wednesday you were officially confirmed by the doctor as existing. Or proto-existing. What I found really curious is that they count weeks pregnant from the last period, so suddenly, you’ve gone from not existing to being 5 weeks. Or PB:5 (Pre-Birth:5), as well, most people count age from time of birth, not conception. Apparently, you might already have started to develop eyes, and are not quite an inch in size. Which is freaky and a little gross.

This week has been really odd. I’ve wavered from wanting to shout from the mountaintops, to being in complete denial about this whole thing. I’ve told 2 friends, Brishen, who’ve I got complete faith in his secrecy, and Day, who, oddly, I don’t. But they’re my two best friends, and I had to tell someone. I worry that I’ve kicked some horrific curse now that I’ve told someone and that Leah will miss-carry you, and then I’ll have to tell them that too. And I really, really, really don’t want to have to tell someone that.

But you’re mum’s a damn healthy woman, and her mum has very little difficulty with her, so hopefully she’s got her mum’s genes. I think my mum had a hellish time with me & my siblings, so hopefully I haven’t passed on a ‘difficult foetus’ gene into you. Not that you’re even a foetus yet. I don’t really know what you are. But already, long before I’ve met you, long before it’s even a ‘sure thing’, you’ve entered my heart, and I find myself fiercely protective your, and and this point more importantly, your mother’s health.

She’s probably not noticed yet, but I’ve been significantly more active in/around the house these last 3 days – more proactive, as I don’t want her to have to do anything that might jeapordize her and therefor your, health.

The News

So I found out yesterday about you. Oddly, your mum’d been complaining for the past couple of weeks about not getting pregnant, and had become a little depressed about it. And then her period was late, but she was getting cramps and all the pre-menstrual symptoms she gets, but still, was late, and it must be said, she’s like clockwork.

I was skeptical, but after running, your mum went to London Drugs and picked up a pregnancy test. I tried to convince her to hold off for a while, but no, she took the test yesterday monrning. She was very pregnant according to the little test – that blue bar was a deep, solid, irrefutable blue.

Leading up, I’d expected some whooping, some running and hugging – some kind of hollywoodized reaction, but there wasn’t any. I think both of us were a little stunned. Suddenly, you went from being this abstract concept to being, well, something. I’m not entirely sure what you are yet – I mean, you’re like a few cells in size.

And now, a day and a half later, I’m still, well, stunned. I’m overjoyed, excited, happy, terrified, expectant, contemplative, freaked out, worried, anxious, etc, etc. I’m sure I could come up with yet more syonyms, but that’ll do, I’m sure.

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