signal, motherfucker!

I’ve a new biggest pet peeve, replacing my old biggest pet peeve, which were umbrellas carried by short people (the whole pointy-thing-in-the-eye thing): drivers who don’t signal when turning. Drivers who don’t signal when changing lanes is bad too, but nowhere near as bad as drivers who simply haven’t discovered their turning signals.

Let’s say that you’re driving along Burrard, at 4:00 pm. Let’s say you want to turn left into the Wall centre. Would it be too much for you to let the hundred or so people behind you know that you’re going to do this? Or when driving through the West End, and navigating through the roundabouts, why not signal when you want to turn. If you signal, I won’t proceed straight, I’ll kindly let you turn, then continue on my way. Of course, if you’re a real asshole, you’ll honk at me when I haven’t successfully read your mind, and I cut you off by continuing on my merry way.

Sometimes I feel like taking note of every license number of a driver that doesn’t signal and calling the police. I don’t know if there’s any fine involved with that (lack of) act, but there should be. When I’m feeling more agro (particularly when I’m a pedestrian), I feel like keying their car. When more mischevious, I wish I could install a paintball gun in my car, and shoot whoever doesn’t signal. My favourite revenge fantasy though involves a cartoon ACME-brand sledgehammer that fits in my pocket but is large enough to squash a car flat with one hit. The driver would then of course emerge, dazed and spinny, perhaps with little blue birds chirping, but the ideal would be little angels with sledgehammers continuing to abuse them.

Growing up in Toronto, back in the day of the yellow cop cars, they had this mascot car: an alligator-car, I think, that would come and teach the kids road safety. It would also give helpful tips to the parents that came with the kids, that included such basics as ‘remember to signal when turning so that little boys and girls know what you’re going to do’ (I paraphrase of course — I’ve no idea what this alligator (or even if it was an alligator — it was definitely some kind of animated car, and I think there was something animal about it too)).

So please, pretty please, signal when you turn. There’s not one valid excuse I can think of to not signal, and it’s not like it’s hard to do.